Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
