Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
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you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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