I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
