so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
