Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
