I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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