Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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