im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
