I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
