I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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