So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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