We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
