Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I think I just sharted jello shots
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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