New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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