Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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