Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
