Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
