He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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