I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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