he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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