I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
