chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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