i'm signing you up for texting rehab
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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