PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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