my phone needs a breathalizer
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize