i permit you to call me
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce