He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.