i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia