I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit