What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
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our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
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Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius