how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
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Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
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I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.