At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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