Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
