and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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