I am in a vortex of obligation.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
This show inspires me to have sex in space
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i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
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