we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
