My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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