A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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