i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
