people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I think i got beer on your cat.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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