When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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