Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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