I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
