how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
