im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
