Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I checked into jail on foursquare
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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