you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
as a side note pls kill me
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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