I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
