He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
