I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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