Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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