New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
