When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
