This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
