you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
