that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
either way he was missing a nipple.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
