nut hugger
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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