saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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