my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Ketchup is God's man juice
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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