You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
