Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
