oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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