I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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