Even the bartender felt bad for me
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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