you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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