My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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