I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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