Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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