Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
