Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
