I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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