I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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